Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
