i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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