I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
