Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
