I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
