i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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