I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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