You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
