i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
