i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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