So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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