This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize