God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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