I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
