wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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