Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize