dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
