I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
