I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize