I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
