she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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