If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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