she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize