Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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