hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
