That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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