If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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