i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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