Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
