in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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