We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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