idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize