The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
