Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i've created a new STD.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
