It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
