What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
