so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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