If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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