What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
