Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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