and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
