you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
