Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
