So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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