I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
