I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
