Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
