Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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