So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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