I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
