Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
