Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
