I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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