He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
