If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize