dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
