She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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