at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
