chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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