@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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