i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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