I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Found the puke drawer
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
