We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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