OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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