The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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