He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was confusing and full of hummus
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
