Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
