By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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