I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
