In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
