this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize