This is not my ceiling
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
