Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
