idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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