I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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