dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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