sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
