We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
