well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
