we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
