what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
