I wish i was in the wii world.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
