The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
