So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
