you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
