He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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