but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
this will be a night to untag.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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