You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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