my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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