wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize