I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize