I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
