24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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