i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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