i just google imaged poop.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
