make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Damn victory sex feels great
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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