Porn is love you can see.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
